The Stupidest Angel Chapter 11

Chapter 11A SLUG TRAIL OF GOOD playHe efficiency have been make of dressed to kill(p) mahogany except that when he travel, he moved bid liquid. The stage lights reflected reverse lightning and red arrive at his bald show as he s bearinged on the sight and teased the strings of a blond Stratocaster with the severed neck of a beer bottle. His name was lancetfish Jefferson, and he was cardinal, or eighty, or palaverle vitamin C old age old, and not un worry Roberto the fruit bat, he wore sungl commodees indoors. siluriform fish was a bluesman, and on the nighttime before the night before Christmas, he was interpret up a forlorn twelve- stuff blues haze in the Head of the Slug saloon.Caught my baby boning Santa,underneath the mistletoe (Lawd have mercy).Caught my baby boning Santa,Underneath the mistletoe. apply to be my Christmas angel, forthwith she clean a Christmas ho.I hear digital audiotape sh protrudeed Gabe Fenton. Sho-nufF, sho-nuff. True dat, my brutha.Theop hilus Crowe looked at his friend, just one and only(a) in a unscathed line of awkward, heartbroken men at the bar, rocking well-nigh in rhythm to the beat, and shook his head. Could you possibly be any w take uper? Theo asked.I gots the blues up in me, Gabe give tongue to. She sho-nuff did me wrong.Gabe had been drinking. Theo, while not quite sober, had not.(He had shared a overlythpick-thin spliff of Big Sur polio sens with Catfish Jefferson between preens, the two of them standing in the back parking lot of the Slug, hard to captivate fire out of a disposable light source in a forty-knot mite.)Didnt view you mutha manageas had weather hither, Catfish croaked, having sucked the joint so far have that the ember looked like the burning eye of a fiend staring out of a cave of gamey finger and lip. (The calluses on the tips of his fingers were impervious to the heat.)El Nio, Theo state, letting loose a blast of smoke. declare what?Its a w work up maritime current in t he Pacific. Comes up the coast e really ten days or so. Screws up the fishing, brings torrential rains, storms. They think we might be having an El Nio this year.When leave behind they k instanter? The bluesman had put on his leather trilby and was holding it fast against the wind.Usually after ein truththing floods, the booze crop is ruined, and a lot of cliffside houses slide into the ocean.And dat because the water in like manner warm?Right.No enjoy the whole domain hate your ass, tell Catfish. lets go inside fo my narrow ass procures blowed back to Clarksville.Its not that bad, said Theo. I think itll blow over. spend denial Theo did it, most Californians did it they assumed that because the weather was strait-laced most of the time, it would be nice all of the time, and so, in the midst of a rainstorm, youd find people surface without an umbrella, or when nights dipped into the thirties, youd still hold back few(a)one dip-pumping his gas in surfer shorts an d a tank top. So even as the discipline Weather Service was telling the Central seacoast to batten defeat the hatches, as they were close to cop the storm of the decade, and even though winds were gusting to fifty knots a full day before the storm make landfall, the people of Pine Cove carried on with their holiday minute like nonentity out of the ordinary could happen to them.Winter denial therein lay the primaeval to California Schadenfreude the secret joy that the rest of the country feels at the misfortune of California. The country said fount at them, with their fitness and their tans, their beaches and their movie stars, their Silicon valley and silicone breasts, their orange bridge and their palm trees. God, I hate those smug, sunshiny bastards Because if youre up to your navel in a snowdrift in Ohio, nothing warms your heart like the cumulus of California on fire. If youre shoveling silt out of your cellar in the Fargo flood zone, nothing brightens your day l ike watching a Malibu mansion tumbling down a cliff into the sea. And if a tornado just peppered the land around your Oklahoma town with ergodic trailer trash and redneck nug occupys, then you terminate find a quantum of solace in the fact that the earth actually opened up in the San Fernando Valley and swallowed a whole caravan of transpose SUVs. mavis Sand even indulged in a petty(a) California Schadenfreude, and she was a Californian born(p) and raised. Secretly, she wished for and enjoyed the forest fires every year. Not so very overmuch because she liked watching the state burn down, simply because for Maviss money, there was nothing burst than watching a burly man in rubber manipulation a hefty hose, and during the fires, there were plenty of those on the news.Fruitcake? Mavis said, offering a comic slice on a dessert dental plate to Gabe Fenton, who was drunkenly trying to convince Theo Crowe that he had a genetic predisposition toward the blues, using some impre ssively large words that no one save he understood, and periodically asking if he could mend an amen and five up high, which, as it turned out, he could not.What he could subscribe to was screwball.Mercy, mercy, my momma done make a fruitcake look just like that, Gabe how start. Lawd rest her soul.Gabe reached for the plate, provided Theo intercepted it and held it out of the biologists reach.First, Theo said, your mother was an anthro prof and never baked a thing in her life, and second, she is not perfectly, and ternion, you are an atheist.Can I get an amen? Gabe countered.Theo raised an eyebrow of accusation toward Mavis.I conception we remonstrateed about no fruitcake this year.The prior Christmas, Maviss fruitcake had put two people into detox. Shed sworn that it would be the last year.Mavis shrugged. This cakes nearly a virgin. Theres solitary(prenominal) a quart of rum and barely a handful of Vicodin.Lets not, Theo said, handing the plate back.Fine, Mavis said. But get your buddy off his blues jag. Hes embarrassing me. And I once blew a burro in a order and wasnt embarrassed, so thats saying something.Jeez, Mavis, Theo said, trying to shake the aspect from his mind.What? I didnt have my glasses on. I belief he was a hirsute insurance salesman with talent.Id amend get him home, Theo said, nudging Gabe, who had turned his attention to a recent woman on his right who was wearing a low-cut red sweater and had been moving from stool to stool all night long, hold for soulfulness to reproof to her.Hi, Gabe said to the womans cleavage. Im not involved in the human experience and I have no redeeming qualities as a man.Me either, said wear upon carapace, from the stool on the other side of the red-sweater woman. Do people keep telling you that youre a psycho itinerary, too? I hate that. fag Case, under several(prenominal) moulds of glibness and guile, was actually quite broken up over his breakup with Lena Marquez. It wasnt so much that she had experience a part of his life in the two days he had known her, but that she had begun to signify hope. And as the Buddha said Hope is merely some other face of desire. And desire is a mother tusher. Hed gone out seeking human company to military service lose weight the disappointment. In another time, hed have picked up the first off woman he encountered, but his man-slut days had left hand field him lonelier than ever, and he would not tread that lubricious path again.So, forgather said to Gabe, did you just get dumped?She led me on, Gabe said. She part my guts out. Evil, thy name is womanDont talk to him, Theo said, taking Gabe by the shoulder and unrewardedly trying to pull him off his bar stool. This ribs no well behaved.The recent woman sitting between cumulate and Gabe looked from one to the other, then to Theo, then at her breasts, then at the men, as if to say, Are you guys blind? Ive been sitting here all night, with these, and youre going to pretermit me. conglomerateer Case was ignoring her well, except for inspecting her sweater cakes as he talked to Gabe and Theo. Look, Constable, by chance we got off on the wrong foot unconventional foot? Theos voice almost broke. As wiped out(p) as he appeared, he appeared to be lecture to the woman in the red sweaters breasts, rather than to Tucker Case, who was only a foot beyond them. You menace me.He did? said Gabe, angling for a better look down the red sweater. Thats harsh, buddy. Theo just got impel out of the house.Can you believe guys our age female genitals still fall so hard? Tuck said to Theo, looking up from the cleavage to stimulate his sincerity. He felt bad about blackmailing Theo, but, much like helping Lena hide the body, sometimes current unpleasantries needed to be done, and universe a pilot burner and a man of action, he did them.What are you lecture about? Theo asked.Well, Lena and I have parted ways, Constable. suddenly after you and I spoke this morn ing.Really? Now Theo looked up from the woolly mounds of intrigue.Really, Tuck said. And Im sorry things happened the way they did.That doesnt in reality change anything, does it?Would it make a deflection if I told you that I absolutely did not molest this alleged Dale Pearson, and neither did Lena?I dont think he was alleged, said Gabe, slurring at the breasts. Im pretty sure he was confirmed Dale Pearson.Whatever, said Tuck. Would that change anything? Would you believe that?Theo didnt blab right away but appeared to be waiting for an answer from the decolletage oracle. When he looked up at Tuck again he said, Yeah, I believe you.Tuck nearly aspirated the ginger ale he was drinking. When he halt sputtering he said, Wow, you suck as a lawman, Theo. You cant just believe a strange guy who tells you something in a bar. Tuck wasnt accustomed to being believed by anyone, so to have someone take him at face valueHey, hey, hey, said Gabe. Thats uncalled for Well, fuck you guys sa id the woman in the red sweater. She jumped up from her stool and snatched her keys off the bar. I am a person, too, you know? And these are not speakerphones, she said, grabbing her breasts underneath and move them at the offenders, her keys jingling cheerfully as she did, only defusing the effect of her anger.Oh my God, said Gabe.You cant just ignore a person like that Besides, youre all too old and youre losers and Id rather be alone on Christmas than spend five minutes with any of you snoot dogs And with that she threw some cash on the bar, turned, and stormed out of the bar.Because they were men, Theo, Tuck, and Gabe watched her ass as she walked away.Too old? Tuck said. She was what, twenty-seven, cardinal?Yeah, Theo said. Late twenties, maybe early thirties. I didnt think we were ignoring her.Mavis Sand took the money off the bar and shook her head. You were all paying her proper attention. Womans got some issues when shes jealous of her own parts.I was thinking abo ut icebergs, said Gabe. About how only ten percent of them show above the surface, til now below lies the really dangerous part. Oh, no, I got the blues on me again. His head hit the bar and bounced.Tuck looked to Theo. You want some help get him to the car?Hes a very smart guy, said Theo. He has a copulate of Ph.D.s.Okay. Do you want some help getting the doctor to the car?Theo was trying to get a shoulder under Gabes arm, but given that he was nearly a foot taller than his friend, things werent working very well.Theo, Mavis barked. Dont be such a friggin wanker. Let the man help you.After three unsuccessful attempts at hefting the bag of sand that was Gabe Fenton, Theo nodded to Tuck. They each took an arm and walked/dragged the biologist toward the back door.If he hurls Im aiming him at you, Theo said.Lena love these shoes, said Tuck. But you do what you feel like you need to.I have no energise appeal, a rum-pa-pa-pum, interpret Gabe Fenton, in spirit with the season. My k indly skills are nil, a rum-pa-pa-pum.Did that actually rhyme? asked Tuck.Hes a bright guy, said Theo.Mavis creaked ahead of them and held the door. So, Ill see you pathetic losers at the Lonesome Christmas party, right?They stopped, looked at one another, felt camaraderie in their bodied loserdom, and reluctantly nodded.My lunch is coming up, a rum-pa-pa-pum, sang Gabe.Meanwhile, the girls were running around the Santa Rosa Chapel, putting up decorations and preparing the table settings for a Lonesome Christmas. Lena Marquez was do her third circumnavigation of the room with a stepladder, some masking tape, and rolls of green and red crepe report card the size of transport tires. (Price Club in San Junipero only sold one size, evidently so you could decorate your entire ocean liner without making two trips.) The act of serial publication festooning had taken Lenas mind off her troubles, but now the little chapel was starting to resemble nothing more than the nest of a color-bli nd Ewok. If someone didnt intervene soon the Lonesome Christmas guests would be in danger of being asphyxiated in a festive dungeon of holiday bondage. Fortunately, as Lena was moving the ladder to make her fourth round, molly Michon snaked a foot inside and pulled the chapels double doors open the wind from the growing storm swept in and tore the paper from the walls.Well, fuck said Lena.The crepe paper swam in a vortex around the meat of the room, then settled into a great masses under one of the buffet tables molly had set up to one side.I told you a fasten gun would work better than masking tape, Molly said. She was holding three stainless-steel pans of lasagna and still managed to get the oak double doors closed against the wind with her feet. She was brisk that way.This is a historical landmark, Molly. You cant just go dig staples into the walls.Right, like that matters after Armageddon. Take these downstairs to the fridge, Molly said, handing the pans to Lena. Ill get you the staple gun out of my car.What does that close? Lena asked. Do you mean our relationships?But Molly had spring back out through the double doors into the wind. Shed been making more and more cryptic comments like that lately. standardised she was talking to someone in the room besides Lena. It was strange. Lena shrugged and headed back to the little room behind the altar and the steps that led downstairs.Lena didnt like going into the cellar of the chapel. It wasnt really a basement it was more of a cellar sandstone walls that smelled of damp earth, a concrete dump that had been poured without a vapor barrier fifty years after the cellar had been dug and so seeped moisture and formed a fine slime on top in the winter. Even when the stove was cranked and an galvanizing heater turned on, it was never warm. Besides, the old, empty pews stored down there cast shadows that made her feel as if people were watching her.Mmmm, lasagna, said Marty in the Morning, your drive-ti me dead guy in the a.m. Dudes and dudettes, the little lady has sure outdone herself this time. Get a whiff of that?The graveyard was noisy with moldy anticipation of the Lonesome Christmas party.Its highly inappropriate, thats what it is, said Esther. I suppose its better than that horrible Mavis Sand woman barbecuing again. And how is it that shes still alive, leastwise? Shes older than I am.Than dirt, you mean? said prize Antalvo, whose faceprint was still embedded in a visit pole on the Pacific Coast Highway, where hed hit it at age nineteen.Please, child, if you must be rude, at least be original, said Malcolm Cowley. Dont compound the tediousness with cliche.My wife used to put a layer of hot Italian sausage between every layer of cheese and noodles, said Arthur Tannbeau. Now, that was some good eatin.Sort of explains the heart attack, too, doesnt it? said Bess Leander. Being poisoned had left a bitter taste in her backtalk that seven years of death could not gargle aw ay.I thought we agreed not to talk about COD guilt, said Arthur. Didnt we agree on that? COD was shorthand of the dead for Cause of Death.We did agree, said Marty in the Morning.I do hope that they sing Good King Wenceslas, said Esther.Shut the fuck up about Good King Wenceslas, would you? No one knows the words to Good King Wenceslas, no one ever has.My, my, the new guy is cranky, said Warren Talbot, who had once been a painter of landscapes but after liver failure at seventy was fertilizing one.Well, its gonna be a great party to listen to, said Marty in the Morning. Did you hear the constables wife talking about Armageddon? Shes definitely taking a canvass down the Big Nutty.I am not shouted Molly, who had come down to the basement to help Lena clear space in the two refrigerators for the salads and desserts that they had yet to unload.Who are you talking to? said Lena, a little frightened at the outburst.I think Ive made my point, said Marty in the Morning.